Evidence

The photographs they don't want you to see. Mostly because they're blurry.

EXHIBIT A — Subject shows no signs of drowsiness, 3:14 A.M.

EXHIBIT B — Subject maintained eye contact for eleven uninterrupted minutes.

EXHIBIT C — Residue does not match any snack-adjacent chemical on file.

EXHIBIT D — Note the facets. A sphere does not do this. A disco ball does.

EXHIBIT E — Dorsal ridges consistent with a much larger ancestor. Subject declined comment.

EXHIBIT F — Subject did not blink for the entire six-minute exposure.