Case 002: Cats — The Silent Invasion

TOP SECRET

SUBJECT: Domestic Feline Command Structure

Field agents have observed unmarked cardboard containers appearing in homes across the globe. These are not toys. They are forward operating bases.

Objects "accidentally" knocked from tables are structural-weakness probes, logged for a future offensive. The 3 A.M. sprinting behaviour agencies call "the zoomies" is, in fact, a training exercise.

Purring has never been explained by mainstream veterinary science. We believe it is a subsonic control signal. Your cat is not judging you. It is filing a report.