Story for the screen

Week 2 — SLOP4555

Not a plot. A pressure.

Short-form drama doesn’t have room for a plot. It has room for one want, one obstacle, and one change.

  • a feature premise doesn’t fit a four-minute runtime
  • most short-form failures happen at the logline stage, before a shot exists

The logline is a test, not a summary

One sentence: protagonist, want, obstacle, stakes.

Not a description of the film — a claim you can be held to later, by yourself, in week 6.

“So what happens if they don’t get it?”

If nobody can answer that in a sentence, the premise isn’t finished.

Jaws

A police chief who’s afraid of the water must stop a great white shark from killing more swimmers, over the mayor’s refusal to close the beaches for tourist season.

Want: stop the shark. Obstacle: the mayor keeps the beaches open.

Finding Nemo

After his son is taken by a diver, an anxious, overprotective clownfish must cross the open ocean to find him.

Want: bring Nemo home. Obstacle: the ocean he fears.

Die Hard

An off-duty cop must save his estranged wife and dozens of hostages from terrorists who’ve seized a Los Angeles skyscraper, alone and barefoot.

Want: save the hostages. Obstacle: an armed team; he’s alone.

Motivation is where a note points back to

Every director’s note this course asks you to write eventually traces back to one question: what does this character want, right now, in this beat?

A note that can’t answer that is a wish, not a note.

“Before It Stops”: initial draft

On the final night before her late mother’s apartment is cleared, a woman must decide whether to answer a call from the brother she hasn’t spoken to in years, before the ringing stops.

What does she actually want? “Must decide whether” leaves that unclear.

“Before It Stops”: revised

On the final night before her late mother’s apartment is cleared, Nadia wants to answer her estranged brother’s call but must overcome her own restraint after years of silence, or let this chance for contact pass when the ringing stops.

Test the revised sentence

  • Want: answer her brother’s call.
  • Obstacle: she holds herself back after years of estrangement.
  • Stakes: this call may go unanswered; she could still call back.

Can the premise fit the screen?

  • One location: the kitchen.
  • One performer on screen: Nadia; Theo is the caller.
  • One visible change: she stops withdrawing and accepts the call.

Testable isn’t the same as good

Two more filters, after objective/obstacle and scope:

  • An emotional hook, not a recap — put someone in a state we already feel something about.
  • No lengthy dialogue, no abstract internal monologue — a short film earns its length by staying in observable behaviour.

“Before It Stops” never explains the estrangement in a line. The phone ringing is the hook.

A 2:10 planning estimate

  • 0:00–1:25: finish clearing the kitchen and tape the last box.
  • 1:25–1:55: the call; reach, stop, withdraw.
  • 1:55–2:10: accept, say “Hey”, listen.

Untested: time the actions. Revise anything that stalls or needs padding.

This week’s task

Warm up by testing a film you already know. Then bring your own logline and a one-paragraph premise — not “Before It Stops,” your own. Test it on a partner who reads only your logline: can they state your protagonist’s obstacle back correctly, before ever seeing your premise?

What you leave with

A logline that’s been said out loud and tested, not just written down.

It’s the fixed point every later week’s work gets checked against — and if it changes later, that’s fine, as long as it changes on purpose.